Friends and Family

How you can help

When a death occurs, it affects friends as well as loved ones. During these times it is important to understand what we can do to help a bereaved family while helping ourselves through a sad time. Here are some suggestions of activities in which a friend or member of the community may participate, express sympathy and acknowledge the loss of a friend.

Making the personal call

In the past, personal calls were made only when the deceased was a close friend. Today, because families are so mobile, the idea of a personal call or offer of assistance can be most welcome. Any actual visit to the home should be kept brief. Extending an offer of babysitting, helping provide transportation, making telephone calls, house sitting or preparing a meal are all useful ways in which a friend can help a grieving family. Offer whatever you feel able to give and then leave it up to the family to accept.

Attending the funeral

Even if the deceased was not a close personal friend, attending a funeral is the best way to show respect for someone who has died and to support a family or friend who has lost a cherished loved one. Of all the things a friend can do, being present at the funeral is a true act of kindness and sympathy and one that will be remembered.

Sending sympathy notes

Sympathy notes or cards should be sent soon after you have heard of a death. Normally they would be addressed to the next of kin or closest relative to the person who as died. If, however, you are acquainted with other members of the family, your correspondence can be addressed to them. What is written is important. The tone should be sincere and uplifting and the remarks about the deceased genuine. A heartfelt note of sympathy will be appreciated and often cherished for years.

Providing food

In our culture when words fail us, we often turn to food. The sharing of a meal has a special significance. When a death occurs, having extra food available, thoughtfully prepared and presented, can be most helpful and appreciated. If you choose to provide a meal for a family, consider sending it in disposable containers or labeling dishes to assist the family in returning them.

Giving flowers, masses, donations

Flowers are a universally accepted symbol of sympathy and may be sent to the funeral service or to the home. In recent years, families have requested that flowers be omitted and that memorial contributions be made to a church, synagogue or charitable institution. Those receiving the contributions notify the family that such a donation has been received. For those of the Catholic faith, having mass said at an appropriate church is a thoughtful gesture.

No matter who you are…let your wishes be known.

One of the most common remarks funeral professionals hear is, "If he/she had just told us what they wanted." Because death and funerals are not easy topics to discuss, many families never really know the wishes of their loved ones. The following Vital Information form is meant for you to use to record your wishes and thoughts as well as valuable information to help those left behind make proper arrangements. Then, make sure your spouse, children or a trusted friend has a copy of this information.

Vital Information

Click on "Printer Friendly" below for a printable form to convey your wishes to your family.